Can we talk about anxiety and depression for a minute? I’ve been dealing with these monsters for a long long time. Currently, I feel overwhelmed with sadness and grief over the way my life is going. I’ve been stuck in one place for so long and any time I feel like I’m finally making progress something else happens and I end up right back at the same spot.
Do you ever feel like you need to go home even when you’re at your house? I’ve lived in this same house for 18 years but it has never felt like home. The only place that ever felt like home to me was the house I lived in before this one. I’ve been so desperate to get that house back because I need that feeling of HOME. Unfortunately, I’m in debt, currently have no job even though I’ve applied to at least 35, and the house is not for sale.
My life feels like groundhog day. Every morning I’m woken up at 7 am by my niece and nephews screaming at each other. I sit in the family room while the 1-year-old plays. I feed him. I change him. I wait for naptime. I put him down for his afternoon nap and escape to the basement to work out full of caffeine just to feel some sort of energy. I shower. I eat dinner. I hide in my room. I stay up most of the night because it’s the only time it’s ever quiet. And then I do it all again the next day. I’m behind on my University homework because I’m too tired and annoyed and overwhelmed to focus on it.
I’m stuck.
I don’t know how to get out of this.
I’ve cried most of the day today because I hate my life and I don’t know how to fix it.
I just want to win the lottery, buy back my house, take my dog, and create our own life. A life where I don’t have to give up my energy and mental health to spend all day like this. A life where I don’t get yelled at because Lucy left a toy in the family room and we’re taking up too much space. A life where I don’t have to stay awake until 3 AM just to get some peace. And a life where I feel in control for the first time.
xoCait
